Fires in the Bathroom: Middle School

(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/9772974/Daredevil-Gorilla-walks-across-tightrope.html)

"'Act firm' yet 'be flexible,' 'set high standards' yet 'remember their fragile egos'... In the middle grades, everything is always 'this' and 'not this' at the same time"(Cushman & Rogers, 2008, p. 5).  Navigating middle school is like walking a tightrope, for teachers as well as for students; it makes sense, then, that we can learn and grow together, working cooperatively to make our time in middle school productive and positive.

Conflict resolution is an ever-present element of middle school culture, and educators and schools have utilized several systems over the years in tackling this element.  Corporal punishment may be one of the oldest forms of conflict resolution, meant to punish a wrong-doer for his or her actions.  There are newer forms of conflict resolution making their debut in society, especially in schools, such as restorative circles.  More and more schools are finding that problems can be resolved without physical punishment. 

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, corporal punishment is "a discipline method in which a supervising adult deliberately inflicts pain upon a child in response to a child's unacceptable behavior and/or inappropriate language" (AACAP, 1988).  The same article states, "The immediate aims of such punishment are usually to halt the offense, prevent its recurrence and set an example for others. The purported long-term goal is to change the child's behavior and to make it more consistent with the adult's expectations" (AACAP, 1988).  According to Cushman and Rogers (2008) and the children they interviewed, this sort of discipline only makes students want to act out more: "My science/math teacher always embarrasses kids.  If you forgot your math book, or if your homework is overdue for this amount of time, she'll announce it to the whole class, instead of just telling you privately.  I don't think they should do that.  It makes me feel embarrassed.  I just want to go away and crawl into a hole or something" (Gabe, p. 93).  Cushman and Rogers (2008) add that "if [your students] feel your disappointment too keenly, they are likely to withdraw or retaliate" (p. 93).

Restorative circles, on the other hand, are a relatively new idea to help facilitate a healthier conflict resolution practice, and it's found some success in schools and juvenile facilities around the world (Garmon, 2013, Making Healing Part of Justice).  Restorative circles are situations "in which authors, receivers, and community are brought together" (Garmon, 2013).  A restorative circle involves "authors" and "receivers" to come together and discuss what happened, why it happened, and the reactions and/or intentions of all involved parties.  There is a TED Talks video that better explains restorative circles (see below), featuring Ann KcKnight, who talks about an example where she has personally used restorative circles in an educational setting.

 Some of the students who talked with Cushman and Rogers (2008) also talked about systems they've used in their classrooms that sound very familiar to the idea of restorative circles.  Thea, for example, said, "We have a town meeting and the seventh graders come with the eighth graders.  Or we get a partner with the seventh graders, and then we talk about our thing and tell them how we feel and stuff like that" (p. 45).  This approach to conflict resolution allows students to explore what emotions they are putting out into their community and how those emotions are being received, especially at a time when, developmentally, middle school students are just figuring out who they are, what they believe, how they plan to act, and they're trying on different personalities and personae to see which one fits best.

As an intentional teacher, I plan to introduce my students to the use of restorative circles in one form or another as a method of conflict resolution.  I also plan to involve my students in creating their own classroom norms, and parts of their curriculum to help show them that they do have the power to affect change in a positive way.  I wish to empower my students, above all, with confidence that they can learn, they can succeed, and it's up to them to have a positive outlook.

Using My Minutes

Tonight I got a phone call from my best friend who lives about 1000 miles away from me, technically 4 states west of me.  We hadn't had a real conversation in over a year and it was really nice to get caught up.

After talking for 2 1/2 hours, I'm ready to go to bed, but before we got off the phone we promised each other we'd make time to call each other more often and to talk more, to keep in touch.  I'm very happy to be in touch with my best friend, and I just wanted to share. <3

Coming of Age

I am currently having a lot of fun looking up all sorts of information, articles, ideas, pictures, and pages to include in my Book of Shadows once it arrives.

My research has taken a more or less winding path through Paganism, and I started looking up rites of passage rituals.  There's a wiccaning or saining, comparable to the Christian baptism, and of course there's handfasting which is a Pagan form of a wedding.  What I wanted to find was a sort of coming-of-age rite of passage ceremony.

I found a few rituals for a coming of age ceremony, however, since I don't have children yet, I don't know how they'll take to an all-out ritual in front of their family, especially since both sets of grandparents are Christian if not Christian-based in spirituality.


I'm in my early twenties, and I still remember starting my menstrual cycle for the first time, and how freaked out I was by it.  I also remember how immune my mother was to my horror and fear, and how she showed no compassion.  Not to be too crude, but I was given a tampon and asked, "Don't you know how to use one of these?"  At 13, my answer was, "um...no?"

That wasn't my only "coming of age" moment.  And even though that milestone in my life was memorable (albeit not in a good way), I personally didn't see it as my coming of age moment.  I saw my 16th birthday as the day I officially became a woman.  Maybe it's because it's the day I could legally get my license and drive without my parents, who knows.  But I saw my 16th birthday as a milestone.

Again, my parents did not share my opinion of this milestone.  I asked for a pearl necklace.  In my opinion every young lady should have a proper pearl necklace.  But there was no ceremony in my 16th birthday, no special formality or pomp and circumstance.

I think rites of passage are important, both for the individual and for the friends and family close to the individual going through those rites.  Through my research I've found that, at least for a girl, a mother-daughter spa day may be enough.  Or a special party to celebrate the milestone of being able to drive or whatever.

I want to celebrate my childrens' lives with them as they grow, and I hope to help them find joy and peace in their growth, especially through the tough times of being a teenager.




If you have any ideas for coming of age ceremonies or adventures or rituals or whatever, for girl or boy, please leave a comment!